Monday, May 21, 2012

May 21 - Fling It At My Feet

To see Me you must bring Me your cares and show Me your heart of Trust. Then, as you leave your cares, you become conscious of My Presence.

This consciousness persisted in brings its reward of Me. Through a mist of care no man may see My Face. Only when the burden is flung at My Feet do you pass on to consciousness and spiritual sight.

Remember, obedience, obedience, obedience - the straight and narrow way into the Kingdom.

Not of you must it be said, even in lovingly tender reproach - "Why call ye Me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not the things which I say."

Character is chiseled into Beauty by the daily discipline and daily duties done. For in many ways, My disciples must work out their own salvation, though this is not possible without My strength and Help, and without converse with Me.

Even for the Spiritual Life the training is different for different spirits. The man who would fain live a life of prayer and meditation is thrust into the busy ways of life, and the busy man is bidden to rest and wait patiently for Me. O joy, O rest, and in the busy ways be ever at peace.

"And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches,
and the lusts of other things entering in,
choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful
." Mark 4:19

Thursday, April 26, 2012

April 26 - I Make The Opportunities

Never doubt. Have no fear. Watch the faintest tremor of fear, and stop all work, everything, and rest before Me until you are joyful and strong again
Deal in the same way with all tired feelings. I was weary too, when on earth, and I separated Myself from My Disciples, and sat and rested on the well. Rested -- and then it was that the Samaritan woman was helped.
Times of withdrawal for rest always precede fresh miracle-working.  Learn of Me.  To accept the limitations of human flesh is to be subject, except as far as sin is concerned, to the same conditions as man.
I had to teach renewal of Spirit -- force rest of body to My Disciples. Then, as your Example, I lay with My Head on a pillow, asleep in the boat. It was not, as they thought, indifference. They cried, "Master, carest thou not that we perish?" and I had to teach them that ceaseless activity was no part of My Father's plan.
When Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me," he did not mean that he was to do all things and then rely on Me to find strength. He meant that for all I told him to do he could rely on My supplying the strength.
My Work in the world has been hindered by work, work, work. Many a tireless nervous body has driven a spirit. The spirit should be the master always, and just simply and naturally use the body as need should arise. Rest in Me.
Do not seek to work for Me. Never make opportunities. Live with Me and for Me. I do the work and I make the opportunities.
"I can of mine own self do nothing." John 5:30

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

April 25 - Bless Your Enemies

Say often, "God bless . . . ," of any whom you find in disharmony with you, or whom you desire to help. Say it, willing that showers of blessings and joy and success may fall upon them.
Leave to Me that necessary correcting or training; you must only desire joy and blessing for them. At present your prayers are that they should be taught and corrected.
Oh! If My children would leave My work to Me and occupy themselves with the task I give them. Love, love, love. Love will break down all your difficulties. Love will build up all your successes.
God the destroyer of evil, God the creator of good -- is Love. To Love one another is to use God in your life. To use God in your life is to bring into manifestation all harmony, beauty, joy, and happiness.
"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which
despitefully use you, and persecute you."
Matthew 5:44

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Day 38

It hasn't been easy for me not to get high, and yes I've drunk a beer well two that is and that's all. I've been going to AA meetings and have picked a sponsor. Ben he says that I'm full of shit and saying the same things I said last time( 2 yrs ago) well the difference is that I really do want a life and a closeness with GOD.
How is that going to happen if  I keep doing the same ole things? Have talked to D-D and as guessed she is unimpressed, it seems rightly so. I LOVE her and want us to be closer my side of the relationship is not to drink but be there for her on good and the negative days of her life.She, I believe, only wants the best for me. To free myself from the past and all that holds me back from becoming the man GOD wants of me. That is what I want for myseslf.The letting go the what is holding me back from the freedom God has for me. All that I want GOD IS READY to give to me. Why is it that I can't completely let the fuck go!!!!!!!I mis these sessions with myself Will post more tomorrow.

April 12 - Golden Opportunity

I am your Guide. Strength and help will come to you; just trust Me wholly.
Fear not. I am evermore ready to hear than you to ask. Walk in My ways, and know that help will come.
Man's need is God's chance to help. I love to help and save. Man's need is God's golden opportunity for him of letting his faith find expression. That expression of faith is all that God needs to manifest His Power. Faith is the Key that unlocks the storehouse of God's resources.
My faithful servants, you long for perfection and see your bitter failures. I see faithfulness, and as a mother takes the soiled, imperfect work of her child and invests it with perfection because of the sweet love, so I take your poor faithfulness and crown it with perfection.
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we
ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." Ephesians 3:20

Friday, April 6, 2012

April 6 - Easter Joy

I lay My loving Hands on you in blessing. Wait in Love and longing to feel their tender pressure and, as you wait, courage and hope will flow into your being, irradiating all your lives with the warm sun of My Presence.
Let all go this Eastertide. Loosen your hold on earth, its care, its worries, even its joys. Unclasp your hands, relax, and then the tide of Easter Joy will come. Put aside all thought of the future, of the past. Relinquish all to get the Easter Sacrament of Spiritual Life.
So often man, crying out for some blessing, has yet such tight hold on some earth-treasure that he has no hand to receive Mine, as I hold it out in Love. Easter is the wonder-time of all the year. A blessing is yours to take. Sacrifice all to that.
"Take therefore no thought for the morrow." Matthew 6:34

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

April 4 - Divine Efficiency

I am all-powerful and all-knowing and I have all your affairs in My Hands. Divine efficiency as well as Divine power is being brought to bear on them. All miracle-work is not the work of a moment as so often men imagine.
My servant Peter was not changed in a flash from a simple fisherman to a great leader and teacher, but through the very time of faithlessness -- through the very time of denial -- I was yet making him all that he should be. Impetuous spokesman as he always was, ready to lead the other disciples, Peter could never have been the after power he was, had he not learned his weakness. No man can save, unless he understands the sinner.

The Peter who was a mighty force for Me afterwards, who, more than all others, founded My church, was not even first the Peter who said, "Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God," but the Peter who denied Me. He who had tested My forgiveness in his moment of abject remorse, he could best speak of Me as the Savior.

The Kingdom of Heaven can only be preached by those who have learned to prize the authority of its Kingdom. A many-sided training My Apostles need. Oh! joy. Oh, rejoice. I love you. Not one test too much will I lay on you.

"That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory." 1 Peter 11:7

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Last Day in treatment

Well kids it's been an adventure, a pleasure and self discovery.No I don't have all the answers but at least I'm   on the road in getting back to that inner PEACE I once had. There isn't any fear about returning home only I do know that there will be temptations in my face. GOD has given me is opportuity too show what HE can do when WE get out of the way. These are not great discovery's just the knowledge that HE is here with me.
I'll  post as soon as I can, will be busy going to meetings and finding something meaningful to do with my time. Helping others is what I do best and what I believe  GOD wants of me.Thank you for the LOVE and SUPPORT all have given to me in these times. Good night and GOD BLESS. 

April 3 - Greatness is Service

My children, I am here, your waiting Lord, ready at your call. I am among you as one that serveth, Meek and Holy, ready to be used and commanded. Remember that is the finest quality of greatness -- service. I, who could command a universe -- I await the commands of My children. Bring Me into everything.
You will find such Joy as the time goes on in speaking to each other of Me, and together climbing higher. Always humble, meek, and lowly in heart.
Learn this -- no position -- just a servant.
"Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice" Philippians 4:4

Monday, April 2, 2012

Day 29

This is how I fely when I got to treatment. Alone, at the jumping point. This journey  has been an awakening for me.To see how far I've gone down the path of HELL I went and how GOD has NEVER left my side, that it was me who turned a back. Each day I've been posting a daily meditation and attempting to live.
Had  to stop positing due to a in-house  AA  meeting.The meeting was frustrating because the person leading it doesn't know JACK SHIT about AA or recovery.Some people go to treatment go duck this or that or maybe cause others pressure them to go. My life had gone down farther than I had expected it to and has I was sharing with someone about what had really hit me hard was a few months ago my daughter had some problems and asked for my help and due to my addiction couldn't help her. That hurt so much that was to be only a matter of time before I knew that I had to make a choice about where I was headed. Thank GOD that HE saw fit to give some clear thinking about what I should do, and that was to ask,no beg, for some help.Well I'll be leaving Wednesday and I'm NOT afraid to be back in the walking world once again.Wil attempt to post before then, if not will see you soon. Will still post my daily meditation.

April 2 - The Priceless Blessing

I am here. Here is truly as I was with My Disciples of old. Here to help and bless you. Here to company with you. Do you know, even yet, My children, that this is the priceless blessing of your lives? I forgive you, as you have prayed Me to, for all neglects of My commands, but start anew from today.

Study My words and carry them out unflinchingly, unflinching. As you do this, you will find that you are miracle-workers, workers together with Me -- for Me. Remember this, not what you do, but what you are -- that is the miracle-working power.

Changed by My Spirit, shedding one garment of Spirit for a better; in time throwing that aside for a yet finer one, and so on from character to character, gradually transformed into My likeness.

Joy, Joy, Joy.

"He that hath my commandments, and keepeth
them, he it is that loveth me
." John 14:21

Sunday, April 1, 2012

April 1 - Shut Out From God

Do you not see, My children, that you have not yet learned all? Soon, very soon, you will have mastered your lesson, and then you will truly be able to do all things through Me and My Strength. Did you not see it with My Disciples? Timid, faithless followers, and then, so soon, themselves leaders, healers, conquerors, through Me.
All knowledge was Mine, given Me of My Father, and Mine in manhood's years on earth. You understand this, My children, I know you do.
Thousands of My servants have gone to their betrayal and death, and others, who knew Me not, with no agony before it.
Had I not been Son of God, bearing man's weight of sin, voluntarily bearing it until of My own free will -- for that moment's horror, I was shut out from His sight with man, the sinner, for one short space -- had I not been God, had not this been My suffering -- then I was but a craven mortal.
"He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater
works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father
." John 14:12

Saturday, March 31, 2012

March 31 - Love's Offering

I am your Lord, gracious and loving. Rest in My Love, walk in My ways. Each week is a week of progress, steady progress upward. You may not see it, but I do.

I judge not by outward appearances, I judge the heart, and I see in both your hearts one single desire, to do My Will. The simplest offering by a child brought or done with the one desire to give you pleasure, or to show you love, is it not more loved by you than the offerings of those who love you not?

So, though you may feel that your work has been spoiled and tarnished, I see it only as Love's offering. Courage, My children.

When climbing a steep hill, a man is often more conscious of the weakness of his stumbling feet than of the view, the grandeur, or even of his upward progress.

Persevere, persevere. Love and laugh. Rejoice.

"The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward
appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart
." - 1 Samuel 16:7

Friday, March 30, 2012

March 30 - Deliverance

Be calm, be true, be quiet. I watch over you.

Rest in My Love. Joy in the very Beauty of Holiness. You are Mine. Deliverance is here for you, but Thankfulness and Joy open the gates.

Try in all things to be very glad, very happy, very thankful. It is not to quiet resignation I give My blessings, but to joyful acceptance and anticipation.

Laughter is the outward expression of joy. That is why I urge upon you Love and Laughter.

"The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations." - 2 Peter

Thursday, March 29, 2012

March 29 - A Life Apart

I reward your seeking with My Presence. Rejoice and be glad. I am your God. Courage and joy will conquer all troubles. First things first.
Seek Me, love Me, joy in Me. I am your Guide. No perils can affright you, no discipline exhaust you. Persevere. Can you hold on in My strength? I need you more than you need Me. Struggle through this time for My sake. Initiation precedes all real work and success for Me.
Are you ready to live a life apart? Apart with Me? In the world and yet apart with Me? Going forth from your secret times of communion to rescue and save?
"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. - Jeremiah 29:13

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Same day

This pic means nothing to me in particular, just something I saw and liked.To continue from the last post. What has been reveled to me, not all things just some, is that I'm INTOLERANT of OTHERS. Also in an attempt to cover up my own inadequacies, I except PERFECTION from self as well as others.This has put me in  direct conflict with the same.   It's NOT that hard to change if that's really what we want.GOD is again LEADING me, showing me to me. I pray daily, if you have been checking this site you'll see I attempt to post daily.Practicing all that is written as best, sometimes not to my best, but at least doing what I can. This is enough for now LATER MORE WILL BE REVELED.

Long Day at Treatment

It has been a whhile since my last post. Learning about self has been inspiring. Why? Seeing that my past feelings about how I saw myself helped me RELASPE. The insuing staying HIGH, wasn't a great help either. Being here has me seeing self   in a different light. The GOOD aabout me is coming to the surface and what I saw as a bad thing about me is lessing.Will post a little later. Something else has come up and I gott to go.

March 28 - Evil Mountains

Faith and obedience will remove mountains, mountains of evil, mountains of difficulty.

But they must go hand in hand.

"Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only." -James 2:24

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

March 27 - Go Forward

Rest in Me, quiet in My Love, strong in My Power. Think what it is to possess a Power greater than any earthly force. A sway greater and more far-reaching than that of any earthly king.

No invention, no electricity, no magnetism, no gold, could achieve one millionth part of all that you can achieve by the Power of My Spirit. Just think for one moment all that means.

Go forward. You are only beginning the new Life together. Joy, joy, joy.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Philippiams 4:13

Monday, March 26, 2012

March 26 - Follow Your Guide

I am with you to guide you and help you. Unseen forces are controlling your destiny. Your petty fears are groundless.

What of a man walking through a glorious glade who fretted because ahead there lay a river and he might not be able to cross it, when all the time, that river was spanned by a bridge? And what if that man had a friend who knew the way - had planned it - and assured him that at no part of the journey would any unforeseen contingency arise, and that all was well?

So leave your foolish fears, and follow Me, your Guide, and determinedly refuse to consider the problems of tomorrow. My message to you is, trust, and wait.

"I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt
go: I will guide thee with mine eye."
- Psalm 32:8

Sunday, March 25, 2012

March 25 - Wonders Will Unfold

I am with you. Do not fear. Never doubt My Love and Power. Your heights of success will be won by the daily persistent doing of what I have said.

Daily, steady persistence. Like the wearing away of a stone by steady drops of water, so will your daily persistence wear away all the difficulties and gain success for you, and secure your help for others.

Never falter, go forward so boldly, so unafraid. I am beside you to help and strengthen you.

Wonders have unfolded. More still will unfold, beyond your dreams, beyond your hopes.

Say "All is well" to everything. All IS well.

"My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy word." - Psalm 119:28

Saturday, March 24, 2012

March 24 - Know Me

I am here. Seek not to know the future. Mercifully I veil it from you.
Faith is too priceless a possession to be sacrificed in order to purchase knowledge. But Faith itself is based on a knowledge of Me.

So remember that this evening time is not to learn the future, not to receive revelation of the Unseen, but to gain an intimate knowledge of Me which will teach you all things and be the very foundation of your faith.

"But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ." - 2 Peter 3:18

Friday, March 23, 2012

Taking the day off

I'm not going to post about recovery, just about my day. Which is ALL about recovery.It's late at night12:35am and I've taken time out this evening to just play free games on the computer, looked for some more  PHOTOBUCKET pics. to post and started an ALEX CROSS novel. These are the photos I've come up with. It is, as U can see of a  beautful BLACK WOMAN. Just something nice to see rather than my usual serious/wierd stuff.
Damn she's FINE!!!! That's all folks.Love M.

March 23 - Until Your Heart Sings

am beside you to bless and help you. Waver not in your prayers. They shall be heard. All power is Mine. Say that to yourself often and steadily.
Say it until your heart sings with the Joy of the safety and power it means to you.

Say it until the very force of the utterance drives back, and puts to naught, all the evils against you.

Use it as a battle cry - "All power is given unto My Lord," "All power is given unto My Friend," "All power is given unto My Savior," and then you pass on to victory.

"He ruleth by his power for ever." - Psalm 66:7

Thursday, March 22, 2012


It's been a couple of days since my last post. There have been new developments in my RECOVERY. Such as coming closer to GOD, better self-image, gain of weight, CONFIDENCE that I CAN stay CLEAN and SOBER. Admitting to myself that this won't be as easy as I was fooling myself to believe. Recovery isn't something that one can just wish for and DOOM there you are. It takes time and effort. Looking at ones self, the inner person, for all addicted persons isn't pretty.We/I have done harm to others but mainly to myself. I relapsed after 8 yrs. CLEAN and sober getting HIGH for 4 yrs. Coming back and seeing people who knew me when I was working a good PROGRAM and now down so far has been humbling. To KNOW that GOD had delivered me from bondage and turn around and get HIGH again is an insult to him and those I may have helped had I NOT gotten HIGH. My day starts about 5:30am, I was going to bed about 6:00 am before treatment, classes start at 8:00am , at the VA. We are housed somewhere different from the hospital.Classes are all day. We leave at 4:15pm and return to our night lodging place.Eat dinner then an AA meeting at 7:00 or 8:00 pm Lights out at 10:00pm, then the day starts all over again.Classes are informative and educational.Got to go now we're making a store run for cigarettes and other junk food type stuff. I miss not being able to go and do as I please but my addiction has , for a short period of time, taken that away from me. Most of all I miss my daily contact with GOD. HE never turned HIS back to me. it was I who turned away. Then there's my daughter, I know she understands but due to my return to drugs again I wasn't there when she needed me to be there.She STILL loves me and for that I'm grateful. lOVE AND graditude.M

March 22 - A Bud Opened

To me, your intimate Friend, all Power is given. It is given Me of My Father, and have not My intimate friends a right to ask it?

You cannot have a need I cannot supply. A flower or one thousand pounds, one is no more difficult than the other.

Your need is a spiritual need to carry on My work. All spiritual supply is fashioned from Love. The flower and the thousand pounds - both fashioned from Love to those who need it. Do you not see this?

I thought of you, a bud opened, you converted that into a cheer for one you love or a smile. That cheer meant increased health. Increased health means work for Me, and that means souls for Me.

And so it goes on, a constant supply, but only if the need is a spiritual one.

"Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth
not what his lord doeth; but I have called you friends."
- John 15:15

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Just For Today


Just for today I will be happy and smile at everyone.
Just for today I will try to accept where I am, and not try to adjust everything to what I want.
Just for today I will try to give my mind more strength and knowledge.
Just for today I will take care of my physical self-my body.
Just for today I will also nurture my spiritual self and serve God who is the head of all.
Just for today I will let my spirit heal.
Just for today I will try to lend a helping hand to someone who is broken.
Just for today I will not let self become overwhelmed with inward pain.
Just for today I will take a time to remember that I have blessings untold.
Just for today I will remember that I have everything I need and many things I want.
Just for today I will not let anything upset me.
Just for today I will not be discouraged.
Just for today I will have faith in everything.
Just for today I will set an example.
Just for today I will not think negative thoughts, if they come, I will change what I am thinking.
Just for today I will tell someone I love them.
Just for today I will let my mind believe the impossible.
Just for today I will embrace today as if there is no tomorrow.
Just for today I will forget and forgive so that I can be forgiven.
Just for today I will not lean unto my own understanding; but relay on God's Wisdom.
Just for today I will be at peace with all humanity.
Just for today I will pray for peace in our Nation.
Just for today I will not complain about my trials, they are for growing and leaning.
Just for today I will not spend too much money.
Just for today I will not be too conservative, I will help someone who has less.
Just for today I will take what I am served knowing someone out there is being served much worse.
Just for today I will accept what life brings, though I may not understand, because I know that God has a plan; I am sure His plan is for my own good.
Just for today I will have complete harmony in my life; as tomorrow will be today when it arrives, if it

March 21 - All Is Well

Remember My Words to My disciples, "This kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting." Can you tread the way I trod? Can you drink of My cup? "All is well." Say always, "All is well."
Long though the way may seem, there is not one inch too much. I, your Lord, am not only with you on the journey - I planned, and am planning, the journey.
There are Joys unspeakable in the way you go. Courage - courage - courage.
"Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet
believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory."
- 1 Peter 1:8

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

March 20 - Help from Everywhere

Your foolish little activities are valueless in themselves. Seemingly trivial or of seemingly great moment, all deeds are alike if directed by Me. Just cease to function except through Me.

I am your Lord, just obey Me as you would expect a faithful willing secretary to carry out your directions. Just have no choice but Mine, no will but Mine.

I am dependent on no one agency when I am your supply. Through many channels My help and material flow can come.

"I delight to do thy will, O my God." - Psalm 40:8

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Morning of Day 14

Did U read the daily devotional? Last night I wrote about my wanting to use.Well this morning things are different. First of all I read it as soon as I got up.Isn't the LORD GREAT! The roommate I wrote about last night woke this morning with a swollen jaw, and was taken to the hospital. He and I reread the message and he was grateful to the LORD and HIS mercy. I'll write later about how the turns out and What the LORD has done. 

March 18 - Your Resolutions

Listen, listen, I am your Lord. Before me there is none other. Just trust Me in everything. Help is here all the time.

The difficult way is nearly over, but you have learnt in it lessons you could learn in no other way. "The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force." Wrest from Me, by firm and simple trust and persistent prayer, the treasures of My Kingdom.

Such wonderful things are coming to you, Joy - Peace - Assurance - Security - Health - Happiness - Laughter.

Claim big, really big, things now. Remember, nothing is too big. Satisfy the longings of My Heart to give. Blessing, abundant blessing on you both now and always. Peace.

"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and
mighty things, which thou knowest not." -
Jeremiah 33:3

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Day 13

My roommate is finishing his time here in treatment,He'll leave Monday, he's from Hattiesburg and has been someone who has my stay here easier. I'll still have another roommate and we will be getting another one Either Monday or Tuesday. These are three man rooms. I've pit off posting because the longer I'm here the more I can see I want to use! I think about when I get out having a beer.Not CRACK!                                                                                                                                                  One will lead to the other.                                                                                                                                                               That and I still can't pay LARRY, don't know what he'll do when I tell him it will be next month before I can give him anything.Back to the using part.I want to have a life, but a beer is something I really want.
 I have not talked to anyone about my urges but will talk to my counselor on Monday if I don't before then.I've gained lots of weight and other than wondering if I will  drink when I get out of here I feel fine. Found out today the the woman I'll been seeing has FUCKED someone else while I'm here.It's not like we are a couple but she was talking about neither one of us FUCKING anyone else. I was using her weakness, she drinks and makes herself easy to see ALL of her GOODIES! All I wanted was to FUCK with NO COMMITMENTS and I guess I got,uh. 
It's not like we won't be fucking when I get out of here. She says that sex isn't that important, but we've fucked quite a bit and she always asks for more.Plan on getting some within a few days after getting home. There isn't much else to say until I post again. GOOD NIGHT LOVE M.

March 17 - "No Greater Joy"

Withdraw into the calm of communion with Me. Rest - rest, rest in that calm and Peace. Life knows no greater joy than you will find in converse and companionship with Me.

You are Mine. When the soul finds its home of rest in Me, then it is, that its real Life begins. Not in years, as man counts it, do we measure in My Kingdom.

We count only from his second birth, that new birth of which I spoke to Nicodemus when I said, "Ye must be born again." We know no life but Eternal Life and when a man enters into that, then he lives.

And this is Life Eternal, to know God, My Father and Me, the Son sent by Him. So immature, so childish, so empty is all so-called living before that. I shower Love on you. Pass Love on.

Do not fear. To fear is as foolish as if a small child with a small coin, but a rich father, fretted about how rent and rates should be paid, and what he or she would do about it. Is this work Mine or not? You need to trust Me for everything.

"There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased
from his own works, as God did from his."
- Hebrews 4:9,10

Friday, March 16, 2012

DAY---I've lost count

During group I apologized to another person how I had been feeling towards him. I had been seeing him as a disrupting force within the group, without ever really talking to him or getting to know anything real about him.Once learning something about him I had to change my thinking and feelings. These changes came about after PRAYING bout the matter. My HEART is MUCH LIGHTER now.Getting rid of the NEGATIVE self and allowing GOD to WORK IN me.I'm coming closer to be the MAN GOD MEANT me to BE. 

March 16 - Reflect Me

My children, I am here beside you. Draw near in spirit to Me. Shut out the distractions of the world. I am your Life, the very breath of your soul. Learn what it is to shut yourself in the secret place of your being, which is My secret place too.
True it is, I wait in many a heart, but so few retire into that inner place of the being to commune with Me. Wherever the soul is, I am. Man has rarely understood this. I am actually at the center of every man's being, but, distracted with the things of the sense-life, he finds Me not.
Do you realize that I am telling you truths, revealing them, not repeating oft-told facts. Meditate on all I say. Ponder it. Not to draw your own conclusions, but to absorb Mine.
All down the ages, men have been too eager to say what they thought about My truth, and so doing, they have grievously erred. Hear Me. Talk to Me. Reflect Me. Do not say what you think about me. My words need none of man's explanation. I can explain to each heart.
Make Me real, and leave Me to do My own work. To lead a soul to Me is one thing, to seek to stay with it to interpret mars the first great act. So would it be with human intercourse. How much more then, when it is a question of the soul, and Me, its Maker, and only real Spirit that understands it.
"In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness
and in confidence shall be your strength." - Isaiah 30:15

Thursday, March 15, 2012

March 1 - Shower Love

I always hear your cry. No sound escapes Me.

Many, many in the world cry to Me, but oh! how few wait to hear Me speak to them and yet to the soul, My speaking to it matters so much.

My words are Life. Think then, to hear Me speak is to find Life, and healing and strength. Trust Me in all things. Love showered on all brings truly a quick return.

Just carry out My wishes and leave Me to carry out yours. Treat Me as Savior and King, but also with the tender intimacy of One much beloved.

Keep to the rules I have laid down for you, persistently, perseveringly, lovingly, patiently, hopefully, and in faith, and every mountain of difficulty shall be laid low, the rough places of poverty shall be made smooth, and all who know you shall know that I, your Lord, am the Lord.

Shower love.

"The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth." - Psalm 34:17

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Day 10

Well I'm not going to write tonight. I'm going to play some FREE GAMES.It's not that I have not had a good day nor that I didn't learn something about myself or my disease, it's just, everyday doesn't have to have drama and I can slow down enough to just have some fun. Yes I do have some homework, just about finished. Will complete a little later. It's 9:340 and lights out at 10:30.  GOOD NIGHT. LOVE M.

March 14 - God's Touch

Near, all broodingly near, as some tender motherbird anxious over its young, I am here.  I am your Lord, Life of your body and mind and soul - renewer of your youth.
You do not know all that this time of converse with Me will mean to you.  Did not My servant Isaiah say, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.  They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
Persevere in all I tell you to do.  The persistent carrying out of My commands, My desires, will unfailingly bring you, as far as spiritual, mental, and temporal things are concerned, to that place where you would be.
If you look back over My Words to you, you will see that My leading has been very gradual, and that only as you have carried out My wishes, have I been able to give you more clear and definite teaching and guidance.
Man's ecstasy is God's touch on quickened, responsive, spirit-nerves.  Joy - Joy - Joy
Forget not all his benefits ... who satisfieth thy
mouth with good things; so that thy youth is
renewed like the eagle's.  Psalm 103:2,5

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

March 13 - Spiritualism

Wait before Me, gently breathing in My Spirit.

That Spirit which, if given a free entrance, and not barred out by self, will enable you to do the same works as I did, which being interpreted is, will enable Me to do the same works, and even greater than I did when on earth - through you.

Spiritualism is wrong. No man should ever be a medium for any spirit, other than Mine.

All you should know, all it is well for you to know of My Spirit-Kingdom, I will tell you when and how I see best. The limit is set by your own spiritual development.

Follow My injunctions in all things.

Peace - Peace - Peace.

"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh." - Galatians 5:16

Monday, March 12, 2012

Day 8

It's getting late and it's been a long day. The longer I stay in treatment the more questions have been put to me and the more I'm learning about self. The Q.Am I sure I want RECOVERY? A.Today I DO. Since I relapsed once before, after 8yrs clean. I can't say that it will not happen again. I don't plan too. My counselor gave me a homework assignment. It has me thinking about just how I was thinking before I relapsed. Not finished with the book, but I can see that I was SETTING myself up for a FALL. I TRUELY don't see it that way. Now I do. Will this help me in the future? Only GOD knows,but with HIS HELP and GRACE I believe I stand a much better chance of NOT USING again, any time soon. That means that if I really want to stay CLEAN HE WILL BE THERE WITH me.Time to say GOOD NIGHT will sign in again Tomorrow. Continue to PRAY with me. LOVE M.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Day 7

Had HOMEWORK over the wknd. The most interesting parts to me were the ones that spoke to SEX and ANGER issues. Both of those areas has and can have the potential for me to RELAPSE. The sexual part because so much of my sex life centered around drinking or drugging off times both, that the two were inseparable.
No form of FANTASIES were OFF limits. That included 2 women at the same time. At this point in my life it's a wonder if I can last with just ONE. HA-HA-HA.One question really upset in my answer. The Q.Are U hoping to continue excessive,promiscuous,or unusual sexual behavior without COCAINE? First of all the VA has done an complete blood work-up of me and I'm DISEASE FREE. Now what do I call unusual?
That isn't unusual it's just MANY men don't and I do.To get back to my A. YES I DO INTEND TO CONTINUE. That isn't a good answer but it is the TRUTH to the best of my intentions.
Now for the ANGER part. I rarely get that way due too the fact that I've learned other ways in which to curb those feelings.There are just a few things that PISS me off.1).People asking the same thing over and over, more than 3 times. 2).My NEED to be PERFECT and when I'm not I get angry at self.3).Anyone attempting to take advantage of me.Well gang, there's no one reading this anyway so why did I say GANG? Just a joke one day someone will stumble upon this site and say DAMN WHAT A SICK PUPPY, again just kidding. It's getting late, I want to shower and than watch the last of the movie THE TAKEN.Good Night LOVE M.

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

“The revolution will not be televised. The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox in four parts without commercial interruptions…

"The revolution will not be brought to you by the Schaefer Award Theater and will not star Natalie Wood and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle as Julia.

"The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal.

"The revolution will not get rid of the nubs.

"The revolution will
not make you look five pounds thinner, because the revolution will not be televised, brother."

March 11 - Seek Beauty

Draw Beauty from every flower and Joy from the song of the birds, and the color of the flowers.

Drink in the beauty of air and color. I am with you. When I wanted to express a beautiful thought, I made a lovely flower. I have told you. Reflect.

When I want to express to man what I am - what my Father is - I strive to make a very beautiful character.

Think of yourselves as My expression of attributes, as a lovely flower is My expression of thought, and you will strive in all, in Spiritual beauty, in Thought - power, in Health, in clothing, to be as fit an expression for Me as you can.

Absorb Beauty. As soon as the beauty of a flower or a tree is impressed upon your soul it leaves an image there which reflects through your actions. Remember that no thought of sin and suffering, of the approaching scorn and Crucifixion, ever prevented My seeing the beauty of the flowers.

Look for beauty and joy in the world around. Look at a flower until its beauty becomes part of your very soul. It will be given back to the world again by you in the form of a smile or a loving word or a kind thought or a prayer.

Listen to a bird. Take the song as a message from My Father. Let it sink into your soul. That too will be given back to the world in ways I have said. Laugh more, laugh often. Love more. I am with you. I am your Lord.

"The heavens declare the glory of God; and
the firmament sheweth his handiwork." - Psalm 19:1

Saturday, March 10, 2012

March 10 - Fruit of Joy

You have to hush the heart and bid all your senses be still before you can be attuned to receive Heaven's music.

Your five senses are your means of communication with the material world, the links between your real Spirit-Life and the material manifestations around you, but you must sever all connection with them, when you wish to hold Spirit-communication. They will hinder, not help.

See the good in everybody. Love the good in them. See your unworthiness compared with their worth. Love, laugh, make the world, your little world, happy.

As the ripples caused by a flung stone stir the surface of a whole pond, so your joy-making shall spread in ever-widening circles, beyond all your knowledge, all anticipation. Joy in Me. Such Joy is eternal.

Centuries after, it is still bearing Joy's precious fruit.

"These things have I spoken unto you, that my
joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." - John 15:11

Friday, March 9, 2012

Day 5

Just came from an NA meeting and it set my day just RIGHT. It's been a day of self-discovery all over again.From the time when my roommate woke me up( I was having a dream about a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN coming into my room when he turned on the lights---- pissed me off until I realized I was only dreaming). My land lord , really just the manager had given me a 3 day notice to move or pay the rent by the 12th or she'd take me to court for evcition. It taook 3 calls before I could talk to her . I've been calling since MON. Anyway it got resolved.I'm tired and won't be writting long. In fact this is it. GOOD DAMN DAY.
ready for bed GOD BLESS YOU and MUCH LOVE.M.B

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Day 4

I seem to have lost much if not all of confidence in self.The last few yrs. I've treated myself like a run away slave. No longer am I going to be treated that way.Even now one or two of the men here  asked  me about how to get sober. What happen to me, or Not to let the same thing happen to them. What or rather HOW did I get the time I had?In these monuments I feel like

and that's so cool.Doing the assignments given to me is taking me back to the where I could really help someone. Don't know what I want after treatment, but one thing I still believe is that GOD is showing me that I can of service HIM and to others.
It's getting late and I still have HOMEWORK to do before bed time. Will be posting again, I hope , tomorrow. Good night and LOVE TO ALL

March 8 - Heaven-Life

The Joy of the Spring shall be yours in full measure. Revel in the earth's joy. Do not you think that Nature is weary, too, of her long months of travail? There will come back a wonderful joy, if you share in her joy now.
Nature is the embodied Spirit of My Thoughts of beauty for this world. Treat her as such - as truly My servant and messenger, as any saint who has ever lived. To realize this will bring to you both new life-joy. Share her joys and travails, and great blessings will be yours.
This is all-important, because it is not only believing certain things about Me that helps and heals, but knowing Me, sensing My Presence in a flower, My message in its beauty and perfume.
You can truly live a life not of earth - a heaven-life here and now. Joy - Joy - Joy.
"The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of
birds is come, and the voice of the turtle
 is heard in our land." - Song of Solomon 2:12

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Day 3

My mind is getting clearer each day and I'm seeing that there will be a lot of work for me to do before I'm anywhere near being CLEAN &SOBER. Each group I attend show me not only the how but the why I made the choice to use again after 8 yrs. of CLEAN time.I can also see that some new ideas MUST come into play if I'm to get and stay that way this time. The DESIRE is there, but will I honesty do ALL that it will take?As of today the answer is YES!!!! RELIEFGOD wants me to succeed, and has GREAT things for me to do, BUT ONLY if I follow HIS WILL for me. Prayer is the only way I can know what it is that HE wants.Nothing is IMPOSSIBLEWith HIM ALL things are possible.

March 7 - Surprises

Many there are who think that I test and train and bend to My Will. I, who bade the disciples take up the cross, I loved to prepare a feast for them by the lakeside - a little glad surprise, not a necessity, as the feeding of the multitude may have seemed. I loved to give the wine-gift at the marriage feast.
As you love to plan surprises for those who understand, and joy in them, so with Me. I love to plan them for those who see My Love and tender Joy in them.
Dear to the heart of My Father are those who see not only My tears, the tears of a Savior, but the smile, the joy-smile of a friend.
"Let the Lord be magnified, which hath pleasure
in the prosperity of his servant." - Psalm 35:27

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


Well I finally made it to TREATMENT. it was a scary morning. When I arrived at the VA the guard said to me. "GOOD MORNING, HOW ARE YOU"? I replied BLESSED AS USUAL. He said," ARE U SURE"? Reply was "This has been the best decision I've made in a long time that has been good".His reply was I CAN SEE. Meaning my bags, for checking into treatment. How did he know? His was the first person at the VA to give me encouragement.Then when at check in time I told them about my problem with my landlord. They explained to me that if I left at that time to take care of the problem that they may have to cancel my bed and give it to someone else! Well I want to get better more than anyything else at this time,so I said I would stay. The HEAD person came and told then she thought that my desire seemed to be real( I was willing to lose my apt.) So she said I could go, take care of BUZZ.I could go on and on, the main thing is that getting HONSET with self is leading me to see clearer that my life was really messed up and that it's not to late to do something about it. Al I really want, as  I've said before, is to have a LIFE, and to get closer to GOD!It's getting late and we at the CENTER get up at 5:00 am(those who know me know that sometimes I've not even have gone to bed until 6/7:00 am in the past few months).Getting SOBER means I MUST start leading a diferent type of life than I have been living.TO GO WERE NO MAN ..........