Courage or lack there of

I started this site because I had been wanting to see if I could and also because in the past this was a place which I could post about things which I felt I couldn't tell others. Well I found out after reading that BULLSHIT about the SIGN (NOT THAT IT ISN'T REAL OR that I'M PISSED ABOUT IT), IT WAS JUST THAT I could see far I'VE GONE DOWN IN MY ADDICTION.I'm seeing my doctor this  month and will ask him about getting my into TREATMENT. My $ FOR NEXT MONTH IS ALREADY SPENT. If I can't be honest in here( where it seems nobody is reading this stuff), how can I be honest when I'm in treatment? I feel like the guy above, WHAT THE #*%^ HAPPENED? There was a time when life seemed good and my daughter and I seemed to be getting closer, doing well at the job,and even started a mens shelter.What I wan't telling anyone was that it all seemed to be overbearing and Iwas scared as HELL about what Iwas doing.I felt that I was a phony.The weight of, it seemed at the time, so many people counting on me to DO THE RIGHT THING!!!!!Well  used that and other things as an excuse to GET HIGH. Right now thats all I want to share, SHIT SOUNDS LIKE I'M IN TREATMENT ALREADY!