Last night

I can no longer say I'm CLEAN. Someone came over last night and offered me a beer and a HIT, Hell I took them both.When I go to the VA tomorrow what will I tell them? I want to be closer to my daughter, but USING I WON'T!She is the only person I really feel close too.How can I tell her I'm STILL IN THE SHIT?Not that she doesn't KNOW whats I do and WHEN I do it.I just want a good relationship between us. Ther was a time when we had it,but I started using and again and that messed it up again.I wasn't a THERE kind of dad and it was years before her and I came to almost know each other ,on a deep place. Yes there some things that we connected on, but they were a strange type of things. Like her and I liking the same kind of not only candy ,but like putting it in the "frig"to get good hard and cold.When I visited her church we went in separately and I sat in her spot. Not that made a difference ,it was the fact that no one at her church seat there except her. There were and are other things which we both feel or see the same way. It's just that she's forgiven me , yet I hold on or am forever going back into my ADDICTION.I've called her several TIME AS OF LATE AND NO RESPONSE. Have called her close friend also her mother, so far no thing. No more to post today.