Day 5

Just came from an NA meeting and it set my day just RIGHT. It's been a day of self-discovery all over again.From the time when my roommate woke me up( I was having a dream about a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN coming into my room when he turned on the lights---- pissed me off until I realized I was only dreaming). My land lord , really just the manager had given me a 3 day notice to move or pay the rent by the 12th or she'd take me to court for evcition. It taook 3 calls before I could talk to her . I've been calling since MON. Anyway it got resolved.I'm tired and won't be writting long. In fact this is it. GOOD DAMN DAY.

ready for bed GOD BLESS YOU and MUCH LOVE.M.B

Day 4

I seem to have lost much if not all of confidence in self.The last few yrs. I've treated myself like a run away slave. No longer am I going to be treated that way.Even now one or two of the men here  asked  me about how to get sober. What happen to me, or Not to let the same thing happen to them. What or rather HOW did I get the time I had?In these monuments I feel like

and that's so cool.Doing the assignments given to me is taking me back to the where I could really help someone. Don't know what I want after treatment, but one thing I still believe is that GOD is showing me that I can of service HIM and to others.

It's getting late and I still have HOMEWORK to do before bed time. Will be posting again, I hope , tomorrow. Good night and LOVE TO ALL

March 8 - Heaven-Life

The Joy of the Spring shall be yours in full measure. Revel in the earth's joy. Do not you think that Nature is weary, too, of her long months of travail? There will come back a wonderful joy, if you share in her joy now.

Nature is the embodied Spirit of My Thoughts of beauty for this world. Treat her as such - as truly My servant and messenger, as any saint who has ever lived. To realize this will bring to you both new life-joy. Share her joys and travails, and great blessings will be yours.

This is all-important, because it is not only believing certain things about Me that helps and heals, but knowing Me, sensing My Presence in a flower, My message in its beauty and perfume.

You can truly live a life not of earth - a heaven-life here and now. Joy - Joy - Joy.

"The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of
birds is come, and the voice of the turtle
 is heard in our land." - Song of Solomon 2:12

Day 3

My mind is getting clearer each day and I'm seeing that there will be a lot of work for me to do before I'm anywhere near being CLEAN &SOBER. Each group I attend show me not only the how but the why I made the choice to use again after 8 yrs. of CLEAN time.I can also see that some new ideas MUST come into play if I'm to get and stay that way this time. The DESIRE is there, but will I honesty do ALL that it will take?As of today the answer is YES!!!! GOD wants me to succeed, and has GREAT things for me to do, BUT ONLY if I follow HIS WILL for me. Prayer is the only way I can know what it is that HE wants.With HIM ALL things are possible.

March 7 - Surprises

Many there are who think that I test and train and bend to My Will. I, who bade the disciples take up the cross, I loved to prepare a feast for them by the lakeside - a little glad surprise, not a necessity, as the feeding of the multitude may have seemed. I loved to give the wine-gift at the marriage feast.

As you love to plan surprises for those who understand, and joy in them, so with Me. I love to plan them for those who see My Love and tender Joy in them.

Dear to the heart of My Father are those who see not only My tears, the tears of a Savior, but the smile, the joy-smile of a friend.

"Let the Lord be magnified, which hath pleasure
in the prosperity of his servant." - Psalm 35:27

Treatment

Well I finally made it to TREATMENT. it was a scary morning. When I arrived at the VA the guard said to me. "GOOD MORNING, HOW ARE YOU"? I replied BLESSED AS USUAL. He said," ARE U SURE"? Reply was "This has been the best decision I've made in a long time that has been good".His reply was I CAN SEE. Meaning my bags, for checking into treatment. How did he know? His was the first person at the VA to give me encouragement.Then when at check in time I told them about my problem with my landlord. They explained to me that if I left at that time to take care of the problem that they may have to cancel my bed and give it to someone else! Well I want to get better more than anyything else at this time,so I said I would stay. The HEAD person came and told then she thought that my desire seemed to be real( I was willing to lose my apt.) So she said I could go, take care of BUZZ.I could go on and on, the main thing is that getting HONSET with self is leading me to see clearer that my life was really messed up and that it's not to late to do something about it. Al I really want, as  I've said before, is to have a LIFE, and to get closer to GOD!It's getting late and we at the CENTER get up at 5:00 am(those who know me know that sometimes I've not even have gone to bed until 6/7:00 am in the past few months).Getting SOBER means I MUST start leading a diferent type of life than I have been living.TO GO WERE NO MAN ..........

March 6 - Love and Laugh

Work for Me, with Me, through Me. All work to last must be done in My Spirit. How silently My Spirit works. How gently and gradually souls are led into My Kingdom.

Love and Laughter form the plough that prepares the ground for the seed. Remember this. If the ground is hard, seed will not grow there.

Prepare the ground, and prepare it as I say.

"Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit,
saith the Lord of hosts." - Zechariah 4:6